Avery Maye Excerpt

Published April 8, 2012 by Ema Volf

As promised, here is a piece of my current project. Please leave me some feedback!


Darcie and Josh started off toward the direction he pointed. They stopped before the paths crossed and waited patiently holding a quiet discussion between themselves.

Avery started to follow them until Alec tugged on her hand. She looked in his direction and saw a look of extreme concern. He leaned in close to her and whispered, “What are you doing? They shot at you yesterday and now you’re giving them somewhere to live and letting them have our food? Are you insane? Darian, you’re seriously not going to stop her?”

Darian took her other hand and led her off the doorstep. “Keep your friends close,” he said quietly. “Keep your enemies closer.” Funny, that had been her plan. She wasn’t surprised he knew about it. She was, however, surprised that he wasn’t going to argue with it.

Avery stepped closer to Alec so that only he could hear her; though, she was certain Darian was trying. “Alec,” she started, “Let me make this perfectly clear. No one can make me do anything. Nor can they stop me from doing what I think needs to be done. Not you. Not Darian. It has always been this way and you know this. Don’t think that any of that is going to be changing now just because you think a new guy has come along and somehow tainted my judgment.”

“But Avery they could be dangerous,” he protested. “They’ve already proven that they would kill you just for being in the wrong place.”

These two have not. Their partner did. And now he is dead. He’s not here to try again.”

“You don’t seriously think that they are being honest with us, do you?”

“Of course I don’t.”

“Then why are you helping them?”

“Because they are clearly in need of it. I will keep an eye on them. I know Darian will keep an eye on them. If you feel like doing the same, feel free. But do not let your distrust of them alter your judgment. There has already been more than enough bloodshed here, don’t you think?”

“But Avery!”

Avery’s patience with him gave out. “But nothing, Alec! You’ve lived here on your nice cushy planet in your nice cushy castle with your nice cushy supply of fresh food and nice clothing and clean water with your nice cushy friends because Darian made it so! Do you know what they’ve had? I can tell you because I’ve lived it! They’ve had fire! Bombs! Polluted or scarce food and water! Distrust of everyone around them! Torture at every corner! Let them know what it’s like to not have to fight and scrape for everything for a change before you try to take them down for their sad misfortune of birth circumstance! Yes, they’re untrustworthy now. No, I don’t believe they really care that their friend was killed. I’m not sure they’d even know how to. But denying them food and shelter and general supplies is no better than what the governments on Earth did to me. You remember what you thought about that, right? So maybe before you complain to me about how much you distrust these people and want them homeless and starving perhaps you should instead thank Darian for not allowing you to live like they, like I, had to.”

Before Alec had a chance to respond, Avery spun around angrily and grabbed Darian’s hand. She dragged him toward Darcie and Josh, leaving Alec shocked and angry on the step. She forced back her tears. Darian invaded her mind one last time and she felt a soothing embrace wash over her. She wasn’t sure whether to be irate at his manipulation or relieved about her fading rage.


2 comments on “Avery Maye Excerpt

  • You asked so you shall receive. I will forewarn you that I’m not the most tactful when it comes to constructive critism. I just lay it out there like I see it and you can take it or leave it. With that said…
    I suggest breaking up those long bits of dialogue with some action or scene description. Just something to make it seem less like a monologue in a play and more personable to the character speaking.

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